Loneliness versus Alone Time

I have recently been pondering the concept of being alone as many of my clients tell me they have a fear of being alone in life. Some also fear dying alone. I would like to assert that what these people fear is actually loneliness, not being alone, which are two different things.

As a human race we are all connected to each other, but how much we notice that connection depends on how we feel. When things go wrong, people let us down, we suffer heart break it is easy to feel lonely. We tend to cut ourselves off from other people at these times because we feel vulnerable and not open to accepting outside help. We become angry at the world. It seems easier to wallow in our sadness and try to look for reasons or answers on our own whilst in that state of vulnerability. The most common thing that happens is that we grieve. The initial reaction is to blame others for our circumstances and hold that grudge, until we are willing to forgive (if that ever happens). We are sometimes not prepared to own our part in the situation, even though at some level we know we are guilty of something. If you are this type of person, you will not seek out other people because you fear they may point this out to you, when all you want to do is blame the rest of the world. Denial will definitely attract feelings of loneliness.

On deeper reflection, we may eventually discover our own weaknesses which can lead to a lack of self-worth. If we are unable to find love for ourselves, this can be an extremely debilitating and difficult thing to overcome. So it’s no wonder that loneliness follows – because we feel we are not worthy of attention from others. Again we are unwilling to enlist help because we feel ashamed, so both of these scenarios open ourselves up to loneliness.

What really should happen when life throws us a curve ball is that we realise we are probably on the wrong path or spending time with people who are not fulfilling our highest spiritual goals. Adversity is just a lesson and easy to recognise in hindsight – but difficult to cope with when you’re in the middle of it. We all make mistakes on our journey and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Instead of seeking blame, seek the lesson.

What is most important is having the ability to go into our hearts and discover our true essence. When things don’t work out, people tend to look for answers externally, instead of looking inside their own hearts. We all innately know what is best for us and what are our greatest strengths and weaknesses. Understanding ourselves and loving who we are is the key to being happy and fulfilled. The fastest way of breaking the pattern of loneliness is to be completely in love with ourselves which will attract others to our loving energetic field. If something doesn’t work out, look into your heart rather than retreating into a cocoon. The answers will be there and your fellow humans will not judge if you have done your own work and acknowledged your lesson.

Alone time is important because you need it to build that healthy loving relationship with yourself. This is very different from the loneliness you feel when you cut yourself off from your fellow humans. Being connected means that everyone feels your emotions so if you are self-loving, others will feel it too and you will never be lonely. There are people all around you doing the best they can and probably feeling just like you. If you can be the change you want to see in them, together we can create the world of peace we are all seeking.