As humans it is easy for us to blame others when things go wrong. This is because it’s hard to admit we’ve made an error of judgement and face the consequences of what people might think or say. But remember, nobody is perfect and making mistakes is actually a valuable part of life.
What I have come to realise is even if we do blame others, we are actually angrier with ourselves, we just aren’t ready to own it yet. Blame is just delaying the inevitable realisation that we are not perfect. Although we may like to think we are doing the right thing all the time, the reality is that instead of understanding that it’s OK to make a mistake, our confidence takes a hit and we privately beat ourselves up. To me this shows that our natural state is actually to respect and even love who we are, but over time (and more mistakes and criticism from others), people can sometimes start to doubt themselves, which leads to a lack of self love.
Most people I meet have issues with self esteem. When I was growing up in my all-girls school environment, those who were most criticised were usually described as someone “who loves herself”. If you think about it, that should not be a bad thing, although in that context it usually meant they were self-centred, only caring about themselves and not about anyone else. But that language started to tell people that it was inappropriate to show the world that you valued yourself as a person.
We are all connected and all part of the human family. When you hurt someone else, it comes back to you as well. So it makes sense that if more people loved themselves, they would be able to spread more love into the world and make others feel good about themselves. Loving and appreciating yourself for who you are is the easiest way to change the world.
It’s hard to love other people unless you can learn to love yourself first, so if you’re frustrated because you haven’t met your ideal partner or found friends that you resonate with, take a look at the relationship you have with yourself. Your outer world is definitely a reflection of your inner world.
I don’t believe anyone is born “bad”. The way we turn out is a reflection of our environment and beliefs. Those beliefs come from early childhood and it is possible to change them. The simplest comment from a parent or teacher can create an unconscious belief that can potentially destroy a person’s self esteem later in life. We need to stop this cycle of feeling like we don’t deserve to be happy, successful or be who we really want to be.
The only thing you need to do is love yourself for who you are. Look for the good points, recognise the mistakes you’ve made and how you’ve learned from them or done something to turn them around. There is good in everyone, we all have a unique gift to share, so you owe it to yourself to recognise and embrace your magnificence.